A task force of leading zoologists are mystified by the recent swarms of shoe kittens. These adorable felines have been appearing in footwear around North America, Europe, and Japan. While not a threat to humans, the kittens have caused the loss of thousands of man-hours. Because the kittens cry when taken from their "homes" workers hesitate to remove the cats from their shoes. The cause of this strange upswing in shoe kittens is unknown, but scientists theorize that global warming may be a factor.

Source : Padrille, S. "Cute to Boot : The Ubiquitous Shoe Kitten" Wing Tip Weekly, July 20, 2008.

Famous First Words

• Da-da
• Kitty
• Ma-ma
• Dammit
• This is the city, Los Angeles California
• Nana
• Boo-Boo
• Up
• Death to the fascist insect that preys on the life of the people
• Uh-Oh

Source : Sendent, Dee. Speech Development in Infants, 1994.

Police in Southeastern Wales are investigating a man who disguises himself as a breast pump in order to fondle women. He is a suspect in more than 70 incidents over a six month period. Witnesses and victims describe his costume as "very convincing" and many were unaware of the ruse until the man finished and ran away. Scotland Yard is advising any new mothers using a breast pump to give the device a vigorous shaking before use. Police have provide the sketch to the left of the suspect.

Source : Allcarrs, Colin. "Yard Abreast of Crime Wave" Cardiff Daily Tabloid, July 31, 2008.

Pinball was an Olympic sport in the 1950s and 60s. The United States and Britain dominated the sport, earning more than 85% of the medals between them. The event was dropped in 1968 when the Olympic Committee discovered most of the athletes were bunking school to practice and attend the Games.

Source : Cade, R. Full Tilt Olympians : the Glory and the Gold, 1979.

The Duchess Mary Annette of the court of Queen Foraday (1722-1773) had 9 toes on each foot. As she was a favorite of the queen, other members of the royal entourage copied her extra-wide footwear. The popularity of this style led to a crippling leather shortage and a great deal of stumbling.

Source : Dactyl, Polly. Fashion Fopperies and Fads, 1983.

The traditional cry of "Fore!" in golf has its origins in the early 1700s. It is a contraction of the Scottish phrase "Fore gawd sakes, will ye hit the friggin' ball!". By the mid to late 1800s Victorian linksmen prudishly shorted the expression to its current state.

Source : Schott, Chip. Golf : Almost a Sport, 1919.

Small decorative lacy mats got their name from Bishop Lucas Doily (1875-1944). Many admired the handsome circular apron that he always wore over his vestments. Pious female followers began to knit smaller versions of the garment for home decoration, naming them after their originator.

Source : Council, Trent O. Curia Curiosities, 1988.

A statue was recently unveiled at the Dixie Baseball Hall of Fame in Fungo, Mississippi. The bronze figure commemorates the accomplishments of the ill-fated Confederate League. Teams from different Southern military units played for recreation during the Civil War. Because of a shortage of equipment these baseball enthusiasts improvised from available materials. Although the games were very popular with the men, the league was short-lived. It is believed that many of the best players did not survive the war.

Source : Bund, Morty. More Than Eight Men Out, 1951.

A man in Maine witnessed what he was sure was a tin pie plate flying through the sky. Air Force officials have now announced it was in fact a genuine UFO. They have presented photographic and forensic evidence which was immediately availible for public inspection. Leading independent UFO researchers believe the government is trying to mislead them. "There is vast conspiracy afoot to discredit the authenticity of the pie plate." stated researcher Ann Dorian. "The government's tradition of misinformation in this area speaks for itself".

Source : Well, Roz. "Pie in the Sky?" Out There Magazine, April 2008.

Scientists at the Psychoceramic Foundation announced that psychic powers absolutely do not exist. Those who claim to see the future are in fact in contact with confederates in time zones to their east. Because it will always be later in an eastern time zone the day's events have already occurred there. What appears to be prophecy or premonition are simply relays of events of the near past from the Far East.

Source : Mancy, Theo. "They Knew They Would Fail" Science Creation, Oct 2007.

Japanese automakers have created a car that gets 300 miles per gallon. Unfortunately these 300 miles are all in Japan and therefore useful only to a handful of local motorists. Engineer Ken Hibachi hopes to design a fuel efficient vehicle by restructuring roads in such a way that every trip will be downhill in both directions. "All that coasting will save on fuel costs and improve air quality" remarked this innovative man of science.

Source : Sell, Ed. "Asian Auto Know Better" Car & Passenger, August 2008.

The human body contains over 100 different chemicals, several of which are highly explosive. People are only kept from detonating by the water contained in the majority of the body's cells. Maintaining this delicate balance is the reason for thirst. Without the the body providing this vital sensation people would explode regularly.

Source : Rage, Bev. "Hydration Sensation Causation" Secular Science Monitor, Feb 1998.

Unpopular Baby Names of 2008

Boys:

Maxi

Bennigitis

Troylet

Alvine

Malcolmtent

Herbies

Girls:

AnnaCondaleeza

Methyl

Ruebella

Cherylnobyl

Quinsy

Fartina

Source : United States Department of Statistics. "Infant Moniker Monitor", April 2008.

Demi Mondaine (1901-1970) of Rannel, Rhode Island was the first woman multi-millionaire. Born into poverty, this clever entrepreneur earned her vast fortune in the entertainment and personal service industries. Miss Mondaine is believed to have invented the "franchise chain" concept. She opened her first "Lupanar Club" in Boston 1925. By 1933 there was one on a back street in every major U.S. city. Late in life she retired to the Cyprian Islands where was elected an honorary quean by the local population. An avid housekeeper, Demi was famous for her tarts.

Source : Drazel, Doxie. Madam Demi : A Working Girl's Life, 1941.

The famous statues on Easter Island are hollow. They were originally constructed for food storage by the aboriginal population. When European explorers witnessed the annual egg harvest being inserted up the noses of the giant heads, they decided to name the island after their egg-related holiday. In modern times the statues have been filled with sand in an effort to deter thieves.

Source : Sunday, Whit. Two Rongos Make a Write, 1892.

The bodies of automobiles manufactured before 1935 were made from a combination of new metal and horse hoof. There was a great surplus of horses because the car made them obsolete. Thrifty automakers took advantage of this buyer's market and used the hooves, shoes and all, to created a sturdy alloy that was more pliant than steel alone. This practice died out by the early 1940s when large numbers of horses were drafted into the military.

Source : Mino, Paulo. The Horseless Carriage, 1961.

Turkish diplomat Hami Aktur (1860-1931) was renowned for his photographic memory. He had an astounding ability to remember even minute details about people he met throughout his life. He once met a friend he had not seen since primary school in Constantinople. It was then Aktur uttered his most famous quote: "Of course I remember you Omar. I never forget a fez".

Source : Tarboosh, Trilby. Istanbullshit : A Book of Ottoman Observations, 1953.

The city of Boston got its name from the many sheep that once grazed on Boston Common. Early New Englanders jokingly referred to the mutton-filled municipality as "Baa's Town". Although the spelling has changed over time, local pronunciation has remained largely unchanged.

Source : Vine, O. Beantown : A History of Boston, 1944.

The eminent philanthropist C. Howe Deyrun (1880-1925) made his fortune in speculating in the lucrative spats market. A great humanitarian, Mr. Deyrun created many opportunities for women who wanted to become unwed mothers. His life was tragically cut short when his wife Lillian stabbed him to death with a butter knife.

Source : Slattern, Annie. The Man Who Gave All He Had, 1933.