The threat of shoe kittens has been overtaken by an even greater calamity. Many countries are reporting swarms of wild Hat Cats within their borders. These fuzzy visitors nest in people's hats and hat boxes. They then proceed to purr and shed vigorously. Removing the feline fedora filchers is a tricky business as their adorableness causes victims to take photographs rather than eject the cat from the hat. Business leaders report an increase in lateness and hatlessness among their workers.

Source : Ghora, Anne. "Scat That Hat Cat!" Journal of Cats and Economics, August 2008.

The candy corn harvest takes place from late September into early October. Farmers bring this perennial Fall favorite to market after picking, husking, and shelling the hardy ears from the fields. The tender stalks are saved and used as winter food for chocolate Easter bunnies. Almost all of the candy corn crop is bagged and sold as a snack. In candy corn farm country though, some old timers still enjoy an ear of candy corn on the cob.

Source : Lenta, Paul. Candy Cornucopia, 1988.

As a child the Greek philosopher Euripidies was apprenticed to be a tailor. Born with the birth name Claudius, he received his more famous moniker after his incompetent handiwork ruined a dozen togas. His exasperated master bellowed for all to hear, "You rippa' these, you gonna pay for 'em"! With that incoherent exclamation, young Claudius gained a new name and lost an apprenticeship.

Source : Pliny the Middle Child. How Much Did That Grecian Urn?, 1888.

Obscure Blues Singers

• Deaf Lemon Watterson
• Big Mama Dave Harris
• Barrelhouse Sven
• Corrective Lenses Eddie
• New Hampshire Charlie Franklin
• Martha "Downwind" Duncan
• Sam & Ella - The Poison Twins
• Roy Lee "Clinical Depression" Blake
• 1000 Points of Light Annie

Source : Andjuan, Don. What's Your Name? : Is It Mary or Sue?, 1962.

Strange but true! The businessman who popularized the modern scarf was born without a neck. At the turn of the 20th century, Chester Draws featured fancy scarves at his popular Boston clothing store. His designs were an immediate hit and he created a fashion staple that has lasted until the present day. Mr. Draws was not immune to the irony of the situation and was often heard to comment, "I'm rich. I don't need a neck."

Source : Draws, Fanny. Stick Your Neck Out : the Life of Chester Draws, 1947.

Desperate environmentalists are taking radical steps to save the world's endangered species. Researchers at the Gitt Institute are attempting to communicate with some animals to warn them of the danger they are in and how to save themselves. They claim to have conveyed the message "People are made of delicious meat" to several threatened mammals. Tigers in particular seem to understand and have already eaten several of the Institute's researchers.

Source : Gall, Ben. "No Paper Tiger" National Nature News, 2008.

The tradition of sniffing the cork of a bottle of wine goes back to early 15th century Europe. The lack of food preservation meant that the meal was less than fresh. Diners would take the sweet-smelling corks from the wine bottles to plug their noses while they ate the spoiled food. As food quality improved, this action was transformed into merely sniffing the stopper to sample the aroma of the wine.

Source : Canter, Dee. Madeira, I Love You, 1964.

Famous Literary Adaptations

• Followers in the Attic - Reverend Moon hosts a big slumber party
• Braves New World - baseball team moves from Boston to Atlanta
• Canterhurry Tales - abridged stories of medieval travellers
• Drapes of Wrath - saga of a curtain industry family set in the 1930s
• Jane Eyrehead - vacant governess is romanced by her mysterious employer
• Last of the Moehaircuts - tale of a Native America with a bowl cut
• Scarlet Wetter - enuresis sufferer shamed in Colonial America
• Hatchback of Notre Dame - cathedral worker buys a new car to impress a girl
• Summa More Theologica - sequel to Moore's classic religious work
• Around the Block in 80 Days - first journey of young Phineas Fogg
• Murder on the Orient Local - slightly less exotic classic mystery
• Donkey Hodee - adventures of a silly ass
• I, Rosie the Robot - autobiography of the Jetson's maid

Source : American Librarian's Association. Another List of Books, July 2008.

Officials in the Ukraine dedicated a newly completed suspension bridge across the Crimea River. The three-mile long concrete and steel structure was named in honor of the late American singer Julie London. Ms. London has a large fan base in the area even though locals do not understand the English lyrics of her songs or what she ever saw in Jack Webb.

Source : Fatale, Natasha. "London Bridge" Pravda, August 23, 2008.

Clothing manufacturers and retailers are test marketing a new size to the public. Extra medium is designed for those consumers who want their clothing more medium than regular medium. Initial response has been positive with many shoppers appreciating the extra averageness of the garment's fit.

Source : Nek, V. "Happy Mediums" Women's Where Daily, September 3, 2008.

People who play the banjo are 5 to 6 inches taller than the average person. They are known to crave potato chips on Thursday afternoons. Banjo players also lead the Western world in cases of pinkeye.

Source : Churchill, Winston. Big Book O' Banjos, 1951.

Prices in 1900

• $2.50
• $3.19
• 35¢
• $7.95
• $1.00
• 77¢
• $6.66
• 5¢

Source : Sapple, Adam. The Very General Store, 1955.

All the problems in the world since 1937 have been traced by to a single person-Miss Helen Weels of Los Leada, California. Worldwide peace and prosperity was just seconds away when Miss Weels chose a brown pair of shoes over a black pair. This action somehow upset the cosmic balance of the universe and plunged the world back into its familiar chaos. Miss Weels, now 97, was recently told of her place in this chain of events and reportedly feels "just awful" about it.

Source : Adore, Steve. "Shoe Selection Ruins Life for All" Men's Home Journal, Oct. 2005.

The world's busiest restrooms are in Tokyo's Shokupanman station. With an average 750,000 visitors daily the toilets must recycle seawater from the nearby bay to keep up with the demand. To defray costs the city has opened up some sections of the piping as an enclosed water park during weekends and holidays. Bathers pay one thousand yen for 3 hours of sliding and splashing fun.

Source : Ono, Kim. "Station Urination Sensation" Soapland Times, 1996.

The Earth is not perfectly round. In fact, the shape of the planet is changing as the population grows. The weight of this enormous number of people has pushed the landmasses down and raised the oceans. The result is Earth is becoming flatter in many areas. If the population continues to grow exponentially, the world will eventually become a flat disc.

Source : United States Department of Science. "Plus Population Produces Pancake Planet" Earthy News, 2007.

One Insult Short of the Dozens

Your Mama's So....

Fat she's at risk for numerous health complications

Ugly it's really quite unattractive

Dumb she should work with a tutor to improve her skills

Poor she has little income and suffers accordingly

Loose she has contracted a social disease

Nasty she should bathe much more frequently

Source : Snapp, Chauncey. Signifying Nothing, 2001.

By the year 2012 all U.S. taxpayers will be required to submit a urine sample along with their annual tax return. This new law was passed as the federal government will need the extra liquid to insure they will be able to piss away the ever-growing budget without any complications.

Source : United States Taxing Department. Urine the Money, 2008.

Zoo officials in Australia have successfully crossed a kangaroo with a platypus. The new animal, the platyroo, is covered with soft brown fur and has a pouch. Its eggs are fit for human consumption and flip themselves over when cooked. Farmers Down Under are already looking into breeding this animal to harvest these convenient delicacies.

Source : Chunder, Barbie. "Woo Hoo : the Platyroo" Australian Animal Annual, 2007.

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of becoming the next president than winning the lottery jackpot. In fact, not buying a ticket decreases your chances of winning by such a minuscule percent that for all practical purposes the odds are mathematically identical.

Source : Heeganson, Moe. Lottery : A Tax on the Innumerate, 2002.