All the problems in the world since 1937 have been traced by to a single person-Miss Helen Weels of Los Leada, California. Worldwide peace and prosperity was just seconds away when Miss Weels chose a brown pair of shoes over a black pair. This action somehow upset the cosmic balance of the universe and plunged the world back into its familiar chaos. Miss Weels, now 97, was recently told of her place in this chain of events and reportedly feels "just awful" about it.

Source : Adore, Steve. "Shoe Selection Ruins Life for All" Men's Home Journal, Oct. 2005.