Television Programs From Around the Globe

• I'm a Murderer, She Confessed -United States
• Mime Shaft - France/Algeria
• That's Blasphemous! - Iran
• Fatherly Leader Knows Best - North Korea
• The Duke of Patty Show - Great Britain
• Sing Along With Wilhelm - East Germany
• Rin Tin in a Tin - South Korea
• The Dukes of La Pazz -Bolivia
• Lappy Days - Finland

Source : Booke, Rita. TeeVee Guide's Big Guide o' TeeVee, 1998.

A wave of mysterious deforestation has been occurring in the Northsouth over the last decade. Investigators from the Department of Agriculture have only recently discovered that carpenter ants have mutated to better adapt to their environment. Due to more effective chemical sprays used in buildings, the ants have been forced into the nations forests. The changes have been remarkable.

The hardy insects have begun to use tools to gather their meals and wear clothing. "This is a highly evolved and destructive civilization" remarked Professor Ann Tennor, "but people need not worry. While the ants have attempted to build cities, they always get hungry in the middle of the night and end up eating them."

Source : Teeter, Anne. "Mutant Ant Can't Supplant" Exoskeleton Quarterly, Summer 2009.

It was 1939 when Timely Magazine first sponsored their now-famous Homeliest Couple in America contest. In those conservative times the event was considered quite controversial. Religious leaders felt it was mocking their various gods, in whose image the human race was created. The opposition eventually crumbled when each clergyman began arguing the unattractive contestants resembled the other's gods. Timely was thrilled with all the free publicity and awarded the first ever Homelycoming Crowns to Pete Zahutt and Jill Tidd. The King and Queen each won $50 and had their pictures not published in the magazine's annual swimsuit issue.

Source : Vore, Herb E. "70 Years of Homely Fun" Timely Magazine, April 3, 2009

General Paul Troon (1733-1804) was the only American soldier to survive the deadly Battle of Fanny Hill. He was hailed as a great hero upon his return to Boston. Recent scholarly research has discovered that he in fact betrayed his men to the British and hid behind a tree during the subsequent massacre. After the war he became wealthy when he wrote a best selling book on battle. In 2005, officials in several New England states moved monuments honoring the general behind various foliage. General Troon was also officially declared a lying scumbag by the Massachusetts legislature.

Source : Whigg, Whalter. Calling the Kettle Black, 2008.

In 1928 the small farming town of Mortling, Alabama was overrun by hundreds of thousands of gophers. A desperate populace exterminated the swarm of rodents with explosives and poison. This combination of weapons was the catalyst for an unforeseen situation. While the explosives killed all the fuzzy rodents, the poison caused mutations and made a fair percentage return from the dead. Zombie gophers have plagued the area ever since. The ghoulish animals feast used to feed on the flesh of livestock. Since the 1970s they have just lurched around the parking lot of the town's KFC.

Source : Tolstoy, Leo. "Ghoulish Gophers Go Ga-Ga" Pravda, October 29, 1940.

Archaeologists excavating in the Middle East have unearthed a new biblical scroll. According to scholars who have seen the artifact, it will add greatly to a more complete understanding of certain religious matters. One of the most startling is the revelation that Jonah was a duck. A mallard of some sort.

Source : Cular, Pia. For Goodness Sake, He's a Drake, 2009.

Carbonated beverages have been found to have many previously unrealized health benefits. A scientific report released yesterday revealed that drinking soda cures and/or prevents a number of major illnesses. A daily glass of root beer dropped rates of koro by nearly half. Mange sufferers should both drink and bathe in orange soda at least three times a week. Suffer from Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Disorder? Birch Beer every day will keep you grounded. Diet sodas, on the other hand, transmit the taste of death itself and will lead to an early grave.

Source : Seltzer, Alfred K. "Fizzy Drink Health Link" Carbon Nation, March 2009.

Olives are used as currency on the remote island nation of Drupe. Black olives are valued more than green ones, especially if the latter contains a pimento. Pitted olives of either kind are worth more than those containing pits. The Drupe Stock Market trades daily and is known for it's delicious exchange rate with the Yen, Euro, and the Little Tiny Pickle.

Source : Birr, Kip. "Endocarp Economics", Business Weak, October 2007.

Odd hats were a sign of sexuality in the Victorian era. The custom was more ludicrous the hat, the more adventurous the wearer. In that repressed time it was a way for more amorous citizens to express themselves and attract suitors. The trend faded from popularity after the First World War, when hair washing and public promiscuity became more commonplace. Plus, people realized such hats were not in fact attractive.

Source : Fe, Dora. Wanton a Hat : Victorian Headwear and Social Order, 1983.

The British inventor Edward Ian Age (1852-1907) is credited with creating the traditional Nasty British Lunch. What is not as well known is that he went quite mad in his later years and was often seen ingesting anything within his reach. In the summertime he was often seen in Russell Square chewing on an ivory hand fan. American tourists often approached him in hopes obtaining advice on where to dine.

Source : Chip O'Lata. Boil It! : A History of British Cooking, 1988.