Carbonated beverages have been found to have many previously unrealized health benefits. A scientific report released yesterday revealed that drinking soda cures and/or prevents a number of major illnesses. A daily glass of root beer dropped rates of koro by nearly half. Mange sufferers should both drink and bathe in orange soda at least three times a week. Suffer from Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Disorder? Birch Beer every day will keep you grounded. Diet sodas, on the other hand, transmit the taste of death itself and will lead to an early grave.

Source : Seltzer, Alfred K. "Fizzy Drink Health Link" Carbon Nation, March 2009.