All the problems in the world since 1937 have been traced by to a single person-Miss Helen Weels of Los Leada, California. Worldwide peace and prosperity was just seconds away when Miss Weels chose a brown pair of shoes over a black pair. This action somehow upset the cosmic balance of the universe and plunged the world back into its familiar chaos. Miss Weels, now 97, was recently told of her place in this chain of events and reportedly feels "just awful" about it.

Source : Adore, Steve. "Shoe Selection Ruins Life for All" Men's Home Journal, Oct. 2005.

The world's busiest restrooms are in Tokyo's Shokupanman station. With an average 750,000 visitors daily the toilets must recycle seawater from the nearby bay to keep up with the demand. To defray costs the city has opened up some sections of the piping as an enclosed water park during weekends and holidays. Bathers pay one thousand yen for 3 hours of sliding and splashing fun.

Source : Ono, Kim. "Station Urination Sensation" Soapland Times, 1996.

The Earth is not perfectly round. In fact, the shape of the planet is changing as the population grows. The weight of this enormous number of people has pushed the landmasses down and raised the oceans. The result is Earth is becoming flatter in many areas. If the population continues to grow exponentially, the world will eventually become a flat disc.

Source : United States Department of Science. "Plus Population Produces Pancake Planet" Earthy News, 2007.

One Insult Short of the Dozens

Your Mama's So....

Fat she's at risk for numerous health complications

Ugly it's really quite unattractive

Dumb she should work with a tutor to improve her skills

Poor she has little income and suffers accordingly

Loose she has contracted a social disease

Nasty she should bathe much more frequently

Source : Snapp, Chauncey. Signifying Nothing, 2001.

By the year 2012 all U.S. taxpayers will be required to submit a urine sample along with their annual tax return. This new law was passed as the federal government will need the extra liquid to insure they will be able to piss away the ever-growing budget without any complications.

Source : United States Taxing Department. Urine the Money, 2008.

Zoo officials in Australia have successfully crossed a kangaroo with a platypus. The new animal, the platyroo, is covered with soft brown fur and has a pouch. Its eggs are fit for human consumption and flip themselves over when cooked. Farmers Down Under are already looking into breeding this animal to harvest these convenient delicacies.

Source : Chunder, Barbie. "Woo Hoo : the Platyroo" Australian Animal Annual, 2007.

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of becoming the next president than winning the lottery jackpot. In fact, not buying a ticket decreases your chances of winning by such a minuscule percent that for all practical purposes the odds are mathematically identical.

Source : Heeganson, Moe. Lottery : A Tax on the Innumerate, 2002.